So much more...

You know I have been thinking a lot lately about our adoptions.  We first looked in to adopting in 2003.  At that point we were experiencing secondary infertility and we really wanted to grow our family.  We felt blessed to have experienced to two great pregnancies and births and we were ready to embark on a new journey to complete our family.  At that point it was a means to an end. Sure, we liked the idea of giving a child a home that did not have one, but honestly, we just wanted more kids.  Over the last 5 to 6 years though, adoption has become much more to me than that.

From a practical standpoint, it was our means to complete our family.  From an emotional standpoint, well, words can't even describe the beauty of the experience.  We have been through a lot to get our family to where it is today.  All five of my kids are a beautiful gift from God and I deeply treasure the way each of them came into our lives.  That being said, on an emotional level, our adoption experience has far exceeded my expectations.  I knew Ryan and I would love and accept any adopted child as our own, but to actually watch that process happen is amazing. 

Every day I witness 3 little ones playing together and loving one another as if it had always been.  I see two big kids melt when Anna cries or Gee falls down.  I see a little boy completely enamored  with a daddy that I have no doubt he thinks the world revolves around.  I see all these beautiful things and I then I think, a year and a half ago we were nothing to these two children. Now they are our lives, we are their lives.  It truly overwhelms me.

Over time a new aspect of adoption has sprung in me and that is the spiritual aspect.  Of course it is a good thing to take in an orphan, but I never really paid attention to how much the Bible really says about orphans.  Over and over again God calls us to be instruments of justice for orphans and to care for them.  Isaiah tells us to "Learn to do right, seek justice, encouraged the oppressed.  Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow."  This is just one of many verses I found.  I don't mean to sound preachy, but I really feel like part of God's heart is caring for orphans.  I guess I just feel so blessed to be able to love and raise two of those fatherless that God cares so much about.  And really it affects me more than that.  I think adoption is something I am pretty passionate about now.  Not for us to necessarily go out and adopt more kids, but I think a seed has been planted in me.  It is hard to explain, but I am hopeful that at some point in my life I can use this passion in a way that will please God.

You know, as I sit and type this post, I am just amazed at what God has done in our lives over the past few years.  This time, almost 4 years ago, was probably about the lowest point in my life.  We had just gotten back from Russia without our twins and my heart was broken.  It had been a rough couple years before that, but that was a pretty severe blow.  Soon after we got home we did some high tech infertility treatments and were able to get pregnant.  By early March we were told that our new found pregnancy would end in miscarriage.  To be honest, at this point I thought God had completely forgotten I existed (there's some weak faith for you).  I was so bitter with him.  Well, that miscarriage became our little Madeline and when she was a year old we found our Anna and Gee and you know the rest.  I still have no clue why God allowed us to experience the losses we endured, but I am finally to a place where I don't have to know.  God never abandoned me and I can honestly say I am a stronger and better person having been through those struggles.  Praise God for allowing me to see this side and praise Him even more for bringing me through this with a newfound passion.

Thanks for reading and allowing me to share.

Julie